The Season

The holidays are so much more than just "holy days" which is where the word "holidays" comes from- the hoidays are representative of a time during the year where we focus on each other, on giving, on love and on life. This is a season of reflection. Funny how sometimes we reflect ONLY during this time. Like the world around us "allows" us to reflect right now. It creates time for this practice and the traditions of the past bring us to a place of gentleness and kindness. Funny how we need a season to function this way. I wonder if we operated this way all year long. Would the holiday season be the same? What would it look like? How would the year be different? How would the world be different? I have wondered about so many things my whole life. I remember reflecting last year thinking the same thoughts. I am here again- sitting in front of my Christmas tree feeling thankful and still remain in the same wonder...
I was out today with a friend of mine. We went shopping together, had lunch and talked about things. Just girl stuff... life stuff. I realized that I had not really ever done this. Had a day out with a friend at Christmas time and enjoyed the day this way. I feel so thankful and actually a part of life today instead of so seperate from it. That has been something that has been so hard for me my whole life. Today, I felt different. There is nothing in the past that can take away the spirit of the season for me this year. There is nothing that can shake my peace and gratitude for everything in my life. The good, the bad and the ugly... it is all started to look the same to me. Just days. Fresh days. New starts. So much around me. Choices...
Yes, I have felt some sad days recently, but I am so resilient in that I see all of the goodness around me. Even in the midst of a hard emotional time... I see a little bit of hope. A little light... for this, I am so thankful.
I realize that part of the idea of the seasons is that they come and go... and come back again. I tend to feel very lonely and sad on Christmas day. Part of that is because it feels as though the "season" is ending. And I so enjoy the feelings of the season. People are united... people are thinking of each other. We have stronger awarenesses and reasons to give. What if we really did whole onto these feelings all year? Are we, as humans capable of this? I do not like "endings" to things. I wonder how I would feel if I saw Christmas day as a beginning of a new season instead of an end to one.
My tree is so pretty. I love to see the lights twinkle and see the angel on the top of the tree. I love it so much and it helps me feel safe and protected somehow. I love the Christmas movies that are playing on TV, I love the movies about Jesus and his life. I love to watch them every year. I wonder what it would have been like to live when he lived... to have seen him face to face... Thinking about Christmas, the birth of Christ and all that it represents gives new meaning to the words love, gratitude and joy. This year, Christmas means so many different things to me and I love that it keeps evolving for me.
I am going to take tomorrow totally off... just lay around and watch movies.. I have been wanting to do this FOR SO LONG...(ok maybe I will vaccuum) but that is it! (oh and walk my doggy) But, other than that... (wait, maybe a workout too! haha!) Ok, but only things that I feel like doing! I just want to sit and linger in the feelings of the season and feel thankful all day... I am so looking forward to Christmas Eve and to midnight mass... my favorite part of Christmas.